I grew up a lot in 2014 without even realizing till reflecting back, I grew slowly to the point where I thought 2014 hadn’t done anything for me. In truthfulness I hardly remember what happened in the early months of this year but I know I struggled constantly with anxiety, fears and social interactions.

There is still that struggle of anxiety, I don’t want to sound repetitive and I know it affects a lot, but for myself personally its my biggest flaw. I know people who don’t like me because they think I’m stuck up and because I wont talk but that’s far from the truth. I’ve learnt to slowly let go of this fear and regarding my anxiety I’ve done a lot. I went to the doctors, I told my friends, I explained why I sometimes have to be by myself, why I sometimes can’t leave the house. I overcame some insecurity and talked to new people, I finally got on a bus by myself and do it all the time. But yet it’s still there and there is some days where it’s too overwhelming and I have to lock myself up, or I cry or I have to sit in the toilets for a while. 

I’ve slowly slowly become more confident with myself in a way. I find myself wanting to try new clothing styles out, I find myself wanting to go out, go out for coffee, go out just to hang out. I find myself becoming more comfortable with myself as a person and finally understanding that I shouldn’t have to change my personality or looks for anyone but only if I want to for me.

I have become friends with the most wonderful people and also cut some out of my life who didn’t care or didn’t want to watch me grow and become more with myself. I am grateful for the people giving me the time of day and I love each and every one of them and I am happy to have them in this next chapter of my life.  

I experienced a heartbreak but In the way it was a heartbreak of being given hope when I needed it for it to be then just ripped apart and I vowed that I wouldn’t trust someone when they told me thing. But then I realized everyone is different and one mans trust is not the same as another’s. I’ve let someone else into my life  and this time it’s developing slowly and we are getting to know each other and it’s beautiful and it makes me happy and we are both shy and all we do is hold hands and we have only ever kissed each other twice.

On another note I didn’t cut my hair for a year and it was partly due to creating this fear of someone getting it wrong but also because my hair was my security blanket. I got my hair healthy and long and then my mum booked me in for this December and I realized this fear was nothing. They did what I asked and I feel so much better now. I don’t need a security blanket; I just need to keep calm.

2014 was an emotion ride and looking back it’s taught me a lot in a way that it didn’t hit me all at once and this slow growing has made me a slightly better person in the sense I have become more comfortable within myself. I can’t wait to see what 2015 has for me as it is one of my biggest years with graduation.

You Might Also Like